At twenty-six years old, I will be getting married
In Utah, that's OLD, and everywhere else, it's YOUNG.
For me in my life, it's perfect.
First of all, you should know I didn't wait patiently. In fact, as you read in this post, I tried rushing things in my life so many times.
Living in Utah, I felt like I was "behind" everyone else, that there was no one out there for me, and that all the good men were taken.
My first boyfriend, my high-school "sweetheart" was a lesson, that relationship taught me more than I wanted to know, but also gave me the ability to appreciate everything after.
The difference between who I am now, and who I was at 20 years old is night & day!
The biggest reason I waited, was because I had to learn to love & respect myself the way I wanted to be loved and respected.
"Every woman has the exact love life she wants." I heard this quote once, back in one of my relationships and I said "No i'm not, I didn't plan this, I didn't ask for this..."
Why was I in it?
I was settling
So many times in a womans life, we feel as though we need to have a boyfriend, we need to be with someone that will love us, or at least say it. We have to be moving towards the direction of "getting married" and we just can't be alone, heaven forbid we be single and spend more time on ourselves than someone else. Blah
I will admit, I wouldn't be writing all of this if I wasn't in a relationship and about to marry my true love that I feel I spent forever trying to find. If I was still single, I'd probably be bitter and cynical towards all relationships. BUT because I now see what I did wrong, I'm sharing what I know.
Why was I single? Why couldn't I find the one when all my friends were marrying theirs?
Here's a few reasons I've come up with;
1. I was blind to everyone that wasn't the "Perfect Guy"-- If he was too short, had a bald spot, wore ugly shoes, had weird hair...etc. The list goes on. I was looking for the perfect guy. Guess what? There isn't a perfect guy, you won't find one. Is John perfect? No. But he's perfect for me, and thats all that matters.
2. I dated men who were unavailable-- I dated guys who just were not wanting a relationship, they didn't care to be in one, and I thought I'd be different. I thought I'd be a game changer. The longer you are with a man that doesn't want a relationship, the more you will get down on yourself and wonder why they don't want to be with you. It's not you, they already told you they didn't want a relationship. LISTEN TO THEM and don't waste your time.
3. I was experiencing "relationship insanity"-- The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result. I was dating the wrong guys, I wasn't respecting myself, and I didn't change anything and expected to find the one. I just blamed the men for it, I thought "it's not me." My friends would always wonder why I was dating a certain person, or why I kept letting someone treat me the way I did.
4. I wasn't letting my actions, reflect what I deserved- I knew what I deserved, I knew what I had been through, and I knew what I wanted. Did I reflect that through my actions? Definetely not. The way I reflected myself was disrespectful, and made it look like I didn't love myself.
I could go on...and on, but I'll stop and tell you what I was actually waiting for.
I waited for a man that I could grow old with, who would love me for me, and only bring out the best. A man who would forgive easily, love passionately, and never give up on us.
A relationship where I was respected and loved, cared for, and put first. I was treated the way I deserved to be treated, and I was able to give him the best parts of me. A man who didn't care about where I had been and what I have done, but what we were going to accomplish together.
A man who respected and loved his Mother, and his family. Who believed in God, and loved children. Who could make me laugh when I was about to cry, and who I could truly believe at the end of the day, was the one for me.
That's John.
Through all the heartache, the never-ending maze of dating, and the feelings of not being good enough I found someone better than the "perfect guy."
It was NOT in my plans to move back to Vernal, and I didn't know why I was back.
No matter what religion I was a part of growing up, I always prayed and asked God to help me find the one, I always prayed for him, wherever he was. For awhile, I didn't think God was listening...
I found this quote on Pinterest after John & I started dating and I realized it wasn't my timing, it was someone elses, and it always will be.
