My fiancé actually inspired me to write this post, he's the brains behind it.
I told him one night how I've been feeling old lately & after I said that he said
"you're not getting old, you're growing up"
I realized there's that big difference that I didn't really notice until now. I think of growing up as going from 10-16 and Aunt Kathy says "oh you're growing up so fast!" I thought I was done growing up, I thought now I'm growing old or " getting old."
Growing up makes you realize things you never really noticed before.
Understanding that life isn't easy, figuring out what means more to you and what you really want.
Knowing that nothing lasts forever, and being able to embrace any change on the way. Whether it's gaining someone new in your life, or losing someone you love. Realizing you're not alone in the trials you face & finding out who your real friends are. Thinking that your whole life you knew "everything" and suddenly finding out you know nothing at all.
As I get older I feel that my life only gets harder, I've been trying to figure out why this is. After all, I'm blessed to be marrying an amazing guy, and I'm surrounded by love from him & my own family.
Why do I feel this way?
When I was younger I was....well...I'll just say it
I was spoiled (some people would argue that I still am)
But growing up spoiled made me very resistant to any type of change in my life
I hate to admit that but it's true.
I like plans, I'm a planner
I like routines
I hate when people flake or lack communication
I fear the unknown
I fear the "change" itself before realizing the reason for the change
I worry I won't transition to the new change well
As I get older I face change every single day, especially when a kid/ step-kid is involved
I now have to expect & plan for change in my life
I've been having a hard time finding joy in the things I used to do. I don't like to party anymore, in fact if you call me at 10:30pm to come drink I'm probably asleep or already in my pj's.
I really have no interest in drinking more than one drink every now & then. One drink will give me a good buzz, two drinks I'm tired, three? Oh where's Jess? She's in bed...
I can't sit through a Rated R movie and feel good about why I'm watching it, and I hate listening to rap music or music that has no depth or emotion behind the lyrics. "Booty booty rocking everywhere" and "shots" were great songs to dance to on the dance floor of a club when I was 21, drunk and not knowing or understanding anything I was doing.
Embarrassing to admit, but true
I feel like an old grandma saying "Turn down that music!"
I've had my years of carelessness, stupidity and blindness.
I've partied, I've drank and I've dated all the wrong men.
I hung out with friends who were the worst influences, and cared nothing about me as a person
I've had many late nights, and way too many hangovers.
So when I actually sit down and think about why I feel like I'm getting old, and I create a list of all the things I don't enjoy anymore....I realize I'm just growing up.
Those things I missed, are a memory, a thing of the past and they made me a completely different person.
I'm not that person anymore, I'm 26 years old
I'm a soon to be wife and a step-mom.
I read Mom/Wife blogs all day- every day
My weekends are dedicated to my fiance, his daughter, remodeling, cleaning, decoration and/ or organizing.
If I wouldn't have grown up, I would have never started dating John, I would have never known what it was like to be treated right, and I wouldn't even be thinking about kids and a marriage.
This is me, today in the present.
I'm grown up
Not old
My life just started, the best is yet to come!
As I get older I feel that my life only gets harder, I've been trying to figure out why this is. After all, I'm blessed to be marrying an amazing guy, and I'm surrounded by love from him & my own family.
Why do I feel this way?
When I was younger I was....well...I'll just say it
I was spoiled (some people would argue that I still am)
But growing up spoiled made me very resistant to any type of change in my life
I hate to admit that but it's true.
I like plans, I'm a planner
I like routines
I hate when people flake or lack communication
I fear the unknown
I fear the "change" itself before realizing the reason for the change
I worry I won't transition to the new change well
As I get older I face change every single day, especially when a kid/ step-kid is involved
I now have to expect & plan for change in my life
I've been having a hard time finding joy in the things I used to do. I don't like to party anymore, in fact if you call me at 10:30pm to come drink I'm probably asleep or already in my pj's.
I really have no interest in drinking more than one drink every now & then. One drink will give me a good buzz, two drinks I'm tired, three? Oh where's Jess? She's in bed...
I can't sit through a Rated R movie and feel good about why I'm watching it, and I hate listening to rap music or music that has no depth or emotion behind the lyrics. "Booty booty rocking everywhere" and "shots" were great songs to dance to on the dance floor of a club when I was 21, drunk and not knowing or understanding anything I was doing.
Embarrassing to admit, but true
I feel like an old grandma saying "Turn down that music!"
I've had my years of carelessness, stupidity and blindness.
I've partied, I've drank and I've dated all the wrong men.
I hung out with friends who were the worst influences, and cared nothing about me as a person
I've had many late nights, and way too many hangovers.
So when I actually sit down and think about why I feel like I'm getting old, and I create a list of all the things I don't enjoy anymore....I realize I'm just growing up.
Those things I missed, are a memory, a thing of the past and they made me a completely different person.
I'm not that person anymore, I'm 26 years old
I'm a soon to be wife and a step-mom.
I read Mom/Wife blogs all day- every day
My weekends are dedicated to my fiance, his daughter, remodeling, cleaning, decoration and/ or organizing.
If I wouldn't have grown up, I would have never started dating John, I would have never known what it was like to be treated right, and I wouldn't even be thinking about kids and a marriage.
This is me, today in the present.
I'm grown up
Not old
My life just started, the best is yet to come!
