Lately I've been a follower and huge fan of this blog
Scissortail SILK
She is so inspiring, and her stories are so real that I experience every emotion while reading a post.
She's a great writer
I recently read a post, about being a wife before a mommy, here's the link if you want to read it.
To Wives: Before You Were Mommy
You really have to read that, before you understand this post....
You guys might not care what I experienced while reading this, but maybe someone else is wondering the same thing I am. Maybe there are other women, who are getting married or who are newly weds and just want to know the answer to the question....
When should we become parents?
John & I love kids, John is a dad to a beautiful five year old girl (she'll be 6 this month), and he's an amazing father. He might not get a lot of time with her, but the time that he does, he's amazing, unselfish and so caring for his little girl. It was one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with him.
I love seeing him with kids, and he is one of the few that have noticed my "glow" that I have when I'm around children and I know that one day, we'll be rockstar parents.
But when? Is there a timeline? Do we make sure we have X amount saved in the bank, do we make sure we've traveled to the top 10 places on our list, do I get off birth control and just let God take over, should we own a house instead of rent?
A lot of us can plan this, and a lot of us can't....I have friends who planned it, and friends who didn't.
Lets be honest, I worry way too much about everything
After I read her post, I cried. Sitting at my desk, at work, tears in my eyes and if I blinked they would have streamed down my face. Was it because I'm scared? No. It was because
I just realized what our life will be like with kids.
It wasn't a sad thought, it was just a realization that things will change drastically and I've never been really good with change.
I can't wait to be a Mommy, and nothing will ever change that
I'll be twenty-six next month, all my friends have kids, and by the time I have kids their kids will be old enough to babysit mine! It's not a contest, I know. Everyone has their own time, and God usually has a plan before you try to make your own. I've learned that for sure.
I moved in with John in September, and until Friday we had a roommate. It's only been a few days but I absolutely love coming home now, and it's just US. It's the best feeling ever, and I didn't think it'd be much different, but it is. I love it, and I can't imagine a night that I didn't get to spend time with John, unless he was working somewhere else obviously. I can't imagine saying "Glad you're home babe" but it not meaning it the way it does now. I can't imagine not meeting him at the door with a kiss when he gets home because I'm too busy with the kids, or having dinner ready for him because I haven' t had time to even think. I'm worried that I will crave more of my own alone time, than time with my husband. I'm worried that I'll be too busy trying to be a Mother, that I'll fail as a wife.
THAT scares me.
Right now we're still in our honeymoon stage, we'd rather spend time together than do anything else with our friends. I have to make myself go spend time with my girlfriends because I know it's not healthy to spend so much time together.
I don't want anyone to think that I wouldn't be ready if I got pregnant right now, I would have that child and we would make it work, so please don't get confused with what this post is about.
I won't be selfish and spend the next ten years married without kids because I'd rather have time with John before we become parents. I'm not saying any of that, and I know John wouldn't let us wait ten years ha ha.
I just really thought we'd have kids sooner than later, and now I'm wondering if we should just push the brakes and enjoy US. Can I even do that?
I know that one night, a few years from now, when I put our first child to bed, I'll be looking at this post and thinking "I wouldn't have had it any other way" and that child will be the best thing that has ever happened to us.
I also know I couldn't have picked a better man to be my husband, and the father to our future children.
For now, he's all mine and I'm all his, and I enjoy that
