There is a feeling that causes an emotion I can not control, when I think of my Grandmother.
That feeling, is the feeling I get when I realize she's not coming back
and a feeling of emptiness without her here.
Not just the loss, but the memories of her
Talking to someone who knew her, and exchanging stories
Trying to make her swedish pancakes in my kitchen
Her scent that is still on one of her coats
The pieces of tissue insides the pockets of her jackets
The feeling of her house, not being "hers" anymore
Her voice on a voice-mail I've had on my phone for years
Listening to the songs "How Great Thou Art" or "Wind Beneath My Wings"
Remembering her laugh.
I just can't control it
When the tears start, they don't stop
and when I try to stop them, they flow faster.
With every memory comes a tear, with every tear I feel my heart break, and every heart break I feel grief
I'm worried if I don't think of her, I'll forget the memories, and forget her scent, or forget her voice
I want to remember her, but every memory hurts
It's almost been 7 months since she left us, and I thought it'd get easier with time
......but it doesn't
I feel so selfish
The only thing that makes it easy is to know where she is, and who she's with
To know that the veil is thin, and she's with me more times than I think
and the best part, is knowing that one day
I'll see her again....
Until then, there will always be a piece of me missing.
I love you Grandma Ila, and will miss you always....
