Do what you love

  "Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life."

I'm here to tell you how true that is, and tell you my story because you might be in the same place in your life. For those of you who know me, I've been in retail about 8-10 years of my "working" life, mostly fashion retail. I've worked at Maurices, and the Buckle and I even managed for the Buckle for a little less than a year. Was it my calling? Honestly, I thought it was, but when I started managing I realized really quick that it wasn't, but being in retail was. It's hard to go through your life not knowing your calling, and maybe I still don't actually know it, but I do know one thing. 

Taking on a new role

When I started dating John, I knew he had a little girl. In fact our first three dates was while she was visiting him, and I fell in love with her before I did him. She loved me too, and then when she started to realize how often we were together she kinda got scared and I started to feel her getting jealous. It broke my heart because that was no where near my intention, I didn't want her to think I was taking her Dad away because I wasn't. I tried to explain to her several times that she just had more people in her life that loved her, but realized it was best for her just to talk to her Dad and spend time with him when she could. She came out to visit us in June last year, two months before we got married. That's when it really hit me, this new role, not just John's wife but the step-mom of his daughter. I wrote about it a long time ago and it's been in my drafts but with Mother's day coming up, and her coming out next month, I figured I'd share. I don't know how many of you are step-moms, but it really is the hardest thing I've ever done, there's this line you can't cross with the time you spend with her Dad, you don't want to step on the Mom's toes and you never want to make that child feel like she isn't the most important person in the world. Yet, we are all human, we are selfish in some-way but as much as I hate it, there are times that I just come second to John, but i'm not second to his job, or his friends, or a hobbie he loves, i'm second to his own flesh & blood. It's taken me a while to realize this, and I don't think I'll actually know how it really feels until I become a parent, all I know is that my husband is an amazing father, he doesn't get to see her as much as he would like to. If being second means that his daughter will grow up knowing how much she is loved, then it's worth it right? So here we go, this is what I wrote when she visited last time, it's just an idea of what my life was like the first time I took the role of a step-mom. It was a roller-coaster of highs & lows, and a hard part of John & I's relationship, but we got through it just like we get through everything else.  Also, for her protection, names have been changed, so we'll call her Ana.

Reviews from a couch potato

As you all know I've been relaxing lazy, and binge watching Netflix during my recovery.

A lot of you might not have time to even start a series on Netflix, but for those of you who do, here's a handful of TV shows & movies I'd recommend. 

Valentines Wish List

A lot of you have asked, so even though it doesn't go with this blog post

yes, I am doing well and the recovery has surprisingly been quite easy.

I have binge watched a lot of Netflix shows, but my favorite is still Parenthood.

I am more mobile now, I just have a hard time sitting for long periods of time.

Should be going back to work part time next week & everything is going good.

Thank you all for the messages, the flowers, those who brought us dinner, and all of your thoughts & prayers. They are greatly appreciated :) 

Now moving on! Valentines Day is this weekend and here are just a few things I'm wishing for.

Date Night ideas

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So last year at my bridal shower there was a Date Night jar & everyone would take a popsicle stick and write down an idea for a date night. John & I used it for the first time the other night because we were kinda sick of the same movie on the couch thing. We pulled the "make dessert" stick. 

We ended up making some no-bake cookies and they were delicious! It was fun, cheap & easy!

That same night, a friend on Facebook was asking for date night ideas so I thought i'd pull all the sticks out and make a blog post. So here I am, sharing the date night ideas that were shared with me.

Some of them are kind of....interesting?

I thought I loved you then

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be recovering. It's been a week and I should still be "resting" but I'm stubborn, and I'm inspired to blog. So i'll take a break from Netflix and blog about how I became Mrs. Kirk.

Each one of us know how we met the one we married.

We know how we felt, we remember our first date, our first kiss...and so on

We remember the hesitations, the "what ifs" and the butterflies with every text, or every call.

We, as women remember, but does he?

I'm a sappy hopeless romantic at heart, I love love stories, and I especially love ours.

I love the life that we live, the silly arguments we look back & laugh at, and having this amazing man by my side through everything. 

Last night we were laying in bed, lights on, face to face just talking, laughing, and enjoying each other. Somehow we got on the subject as to how we started dating.

I'm really emotional, like, a real cry baby. The story of "us" triggers tears every single time.

Happy tears. He was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But, we talked about it. I asked him what he remembers about me, and it went clear back to high-school. When I was a sophomore and he was a senior, he said he remembered my hair-style, judging by the picture it was pretty unforgettable. I had a poof that was permanent by then, I mean the poof was "in" and some girls had it rattier & bigger than mine (hard to believe I know).

When life gives you lemons

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest...but I never thought it'd be this hard, the struggles of medical bills, surgeries, tests & scans have made our marriage just a little harder. 

One minute we're planning a wedding and after the I do's, reality kicks in, life kicks in, and the next minute I'm waking up from surgery being told my fertility has been cut in half. All I wanted was to be a wife and a Mom, it didn't matter how hard I tried to find a career or something I was passionate in, I have an old soul so to me, it's about being a wife to a hard working man and a mother to one of the most amazing gifts God could give.

A month after my surgery I knew I had cysts again, I had "the pain" and I just knew but I went and got an ultrasound anyway. I had already met my deductible so it was free, & yes I was taking advantage of that.

That's when they found "it", this mass that was "near my cervix"