Speaking love languages

Recently I came across this article

10 Habits of Couples in Strong & Healthy Relationships

and even though every single one of these are very important, I wanted to zoom-in on a certain one.

That habit is....

LOVE LANGUAGES

If you haven't read the book by Gary Chapman you're probably wondering what a love language is, or maybe you've read about it but you aren't really sure how to use it in your home. Maybe you know your partners language but they don't know yours so you're constantly trying to remind yourself that you're loved, but forgetting to show your partner love in a way that they want to receive it.

Before a marriage we go above & beyond and do whatever we can to prove our love to that person, but after marriage we get into our daily habits and think that as long as we say "I love you," sleep in the same bed at night, and stay intimate that everything is okay. It's not. Whatever you did to get your partner, you should continue to do to keep them.

Why are they so important? Because no one is the same person. No one has the same needs when it comes to a relationship, but everyone needs to be loved. Not everyone knows what that they are loved by a simple "I love you." Yet for some, that might be all they need...

I cannot stress enough how important this is in a relationship/marriage.

LEARN YOURS & YOUR PARNTERS NOW!

Seriously, read the book, or take this quiz

A positive marriage: Challenge

I have been in a blogging rut lately
I haven't had anything I really wanted to blog about, nor have I had inspiration hit me like it normally does. Until the other day...
My mind wondered off  and all of a sudden I was inspired to write about something.
When I was planning a wedding I heard a lot of things about marriage
"Marriage is fun"
"Marriage is hard"
"Marriage is rewarding"
"Married life is awesome"
but no one really told me that I'd be experiencing feelings I've already felt.
If you're married, you'll know exactly what I mean and if you're not married, I'm about to give you a small insight as to what it's like.
You experience so many feelings, and sometimes you experience them all in the same day.
So what does being married feel like?

Marriage is like opening a present on Christmas Day
It's a cup of hot chocolate when it's freezing outside
It's learning how to ride your bike without training wheels
It's finding out Santa Claus isn't real
It's falling down and scraping your knee
It's pouring a box of cereal, and then realizing you're out of milk
It's having a good hair day
It's getting a raise at work
It's buying a new outfit
It's getting asked out by your crush in high school
It's finding out you failed a test you've been studying really hard for
It's graduating from high school & wondering what to do with your life
It's spending more money than you actually have
It's finding the last shirt on the sale rack, in your size
It's sleeping in on a rainy morning
It's finding money under your pillow from the tooth fairy
It's hearing your friends talk about you behind your back
It's having a rock in your shoe while trying to hike up a mountain
It's getting a bee sting
It's jumping off the high dive when you're afraid of heights
It's coming to a fork in the road and not knowing which path to take
It's perfecting your Grandma's recipe after so many failed attempts
It's taking a hot bath after a really hard day
It's burning your tongue on a hot chocolate you've been craving all day
It's getting blamed for something you didn't do
It's ripping a band-aid off a wound
It's feeling the warmth of sun on your face
It's slipping on ice
It's sitting next to a nice warm fire on a cold snowy day
and sometimes, there are feelings I can't even put into words.

The feelings of marriage, are a lot like the feelings we get in our day to day life
Except in a marriage, you're experiencing those feelings with someone else and a lot of times your feelings are completely opposite from your partner, and you don't see eye to eye.
In life you can choose to wake up, choose to have a positive day, and choose to love others.
It's the same in a marriage. I was told this story once about fights in a marriage, to look at them as rocks in your shoe; try hiking a mountain (or enjoy the journey) with those rocks in your shoe. Your feet are going to hurt, you're going to be angry and you won't enjoy everything there is to enjoy, your experience will be negative and you'll focus more on the destination than the actual journey. You can choose to try and hike a mountain with rocks in your shoe, or you can forgive & forget and hike the mountain without any rocks in your shoe, together. You can choose to give up, or you can choose to fight. You can choose happiness over hostility, humility over pride, love over hate, and you can choose to give more than you take, you can choose to praise your spouse for the things you love about them, instead of nag your spouse for the things you don't like.

If someone would have told me that marriage was a mindset, I'd know how hard it really is.
It's hard to stay positive when everything has fallen apart, it's hard to trust someone when they've hurt you, it's hard to love someone who could break your heart at any minute, but it's all in your mindset.
If you're standing on a bridge waiting for it to break, you'll miss out on the view. If you're so worried about the destination, you'll miss out on the journey. You can't be too negative, or you'll constantly look for things that are wrong and make that your focal point, and you can't be too positive or you'll overlook the opportunity to learn from the bumps in the road.
A lot easier said than done though right?
I'm challenging myself to be more positive in my marriage. I'll work on forgetting the thing that annoyed or upset me yesterday, and find something I love about him today. I will work on having more positive feelings than negative, and learn to understand our differences.

Will you take this challenge with me?
 Everyone has something they could do better, 
what do you want to challenge yourself to be better at?

Becoming Mrs. Kirk--our one month anniversary

One month ago I woke up super excited because it was the day I was going to marry Mr. Kirk.

I was going to say "I do"

I could finally call John my husband, and I was going to be his wife.

It was a stressful day and it went by WAY too fast, so how do I feel now?

Well, when I started this blog I knew I was going to keep it for awhile so I named it

Being Mrs Kirk

At the time I wasn't Mrs Kirk yet, and truth is...I'm still not Mrs. Kirk

I'm becoming Mrs. Kirk.

I've realized that just because you get married, doesn't mean you have each other forever.

You have to try, every. single. day. 

You have to give more than you take

You have to love more than you hate

You have to be each-others number one fan and his biggest supporter

You have to give each other space

It's not that we do some things right and some things wrong, but it's that we do a lot of things right, and there's a lot of things we could do better. We are human, we make mistakes, and I've always been told that marriage is made up of two very good forgivers because it's made up of two very flawed people, and that's a fact jack.

When you sit down to blog you have to remember that everything you say is being viewed by many different people, your opinions can hurt people, and there's always the risk of being too public with your life. I'm not hear to air our dirty laundry, I'm here to be real, I'm writing this post for myself, others going through the same situation, and my husband. 

To my husband, THANK YOU.

Thank you for sticking through everything with me

Thank you for never forgetting to give me a kiss goodbye in the morning

Thank you for helping me look for our dog when he ran away last week

Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on

Thank you for trying to understand why I'm upset

Thank you for loving me when I'm not love-able

Thank you for my finding my hand under the covers in the middle of the night and holding it

Thank you for helping out around the house and taking the weight off my shoulders

Thank you for making me laugh so hard my stomach hurts

but most of all, thank you for holding my hand through this journey of becoming husband & wife

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In a marriage, it's important to set goals 

Like I said above, I want to be better wife, and these 4 things are just a start;

1.  Appreciate my Husband- Of course I appreciate him, but does he know it? For example; he takes the trash out every Wed night, do I expect it, or do I appreciate it? Well, I probably don't say Thank You enough for the things he does, even if it's something he does every single day. There is always something to appreciate, I just to need to remove my blindfold. So that's goal #1,

  I want to thank my husband more, and tell him how much I appreciate the things he does for me, for us, and for other people. I want to privately appreciate him every day, and publicly appreciate him at least once a week.

2. Focus on the good- I've been reading this book and it talks about three zones. The ideal zone- when you and your mate start dating and you see all the good, and ignore the bad. The real zone- when you see the good & the bad (this is where relationships should stay), and the danger zone- where you only see the bad. Like I said above, we can always do things better. Goal #2, I want to point out more of the good things my husband does, remember the things I fell in love with and not focus on what irritates or annoys me.

3. Be Loveable- This is kind of a combination of the first two goals, if I'm pointing out the bad things then I'm constantly nagging my husband instead of appreciating him. Why would he want to love me if he doesn't feel loved? Goal #3, I want to be more supportive & compassionate in big and small ways every day.

4. Quality Time- We spend time together, whether it's watching football together or eating dinner at the table but I want to spend more "quality" time together. For instance, on days where he works later in the morning I want to get up and enjoy breakfast or coffee together instead of sleeping in. I want to go on more walks together, and I want to have date nights more often. We don't have kids yet, so we have time, but it's what we do with our "extra" time that makes the difference.

I'll end this post with the most important advice I've heard, when it comes to an argument

"You can be right, or you can be happy"

I think I'll spend more time being happy ;)

One week

In exactly ONE WEEK from today John & I will be getting ready for the biggest day of our lives.

ONE week from today we will be

Saying our "I do's"

Kissing a LOT

Celebrating our marriage

Stuffing our face at any possible time

Dancing the night away

Spending time with friends & family from all over

Throwing cake in each others' face

Tossing bouquets & garters to the next lucky gal and guy

Appreciating everything that has gone into such an amazing day

Saying Thank You to everyone who came, and those who helped

Missing the ones that can't be there

Laughing, smiling, and taking in every single moment.

 ONE week from today

We'll be starting the most amazing journey in our life

ONE week from today

I'll wake up as Jessica Hatch, for the last time... and go to bed as the new Mrs. Jessica Kirk

I can't wait!

Guest Post- 20 Tips for Marriage

Hey guys! I had one of my favorite bloggers do a guest post for me this week, with the wedding planning being at the end of the wire I've been so busy! I haven't even been able to think! Thanks to Lisa, I can take a day off of blogging, and you can learn some awesome tips for marriage!
About Lisa She blogs over at The Copper Anchor She's married to a boy named Jared that she's loved since she was 14  Mother to 3 kids, and their family is in the approval process for their first adoption. YAY!! She also loves art, and has a great eye for photography! Check her out!

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When Love Is Hard

by Lisa Larson

We married young. Too young. I was 4 days past my 16th birthday, and he was 18. People told us it wouldn’t last. We laughed, confident that our love would prove them wrong. But the joke was on us. When two flawed people come together and try to make a life, it’s never an easy feat.

Truth is, love is hard. Harder than we ever imagined it could be.

There have been days when our words have cut each other to the core. Days when the hurt and pain seemed larger than any abyss we could get through. And days when the sparks of love have felt like nothing more than a pile of dry grass.

But, I love how Tim Keller puts it…If only we had known these words in the beginning: 

“You never marry the right person. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.” In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?”

Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:

“Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.”

“Hauerwas gives us the first reason that no two people are compatible for marriage, namely, that marriage profoundly changes us. But there is another reason. Any two people who enter into marriage are spiritually broken by sin, which among other things means to be self-centered. As author Denis de Rougemont said, “Why should neurotic, selfish, immature people suddenly become angels when they fall in love ... ?” That is why a good marriage is more painfully hard to achieve than athletic or artistic prowess. Raw, natural talent does not enable you to play baseball as a pro or write great literature without enduring discipline and enormous work. Why would it be easy to live lovingly and well with another human being in light of what is profoundly wrong within our human nature? Marriage — more than anything else that is good and important in this fallen world—is so painful and hard.”

Life perpetually compels us forward, and with each new experience, our souls begin to take shape and we rediscover who we are. We shift, transform and are made over, and this places us in an interesting paradox of discovering what love really looks like as the years go by.

Marriage is like a fire —when the flames die down, you have two choices- let it fall to ash, or spend the rest of your life tending it.

So as I sit tonight, listening to the storm brew outside, my love is deepened for the man who has weathered the storms of life with me for the last 15 years.  Yes, we’ve had our share of hard times, and more will come. But we’ve also learned how to make the best of times…times that we would have never experienced alone — times that have brought more joy and happiness into our lives than we ever imagined could be possible.

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When I look back on how little I knew going into marriage, and what my desires are for my own daughter when she gets married someday — this is what I want her to know, this is what I will tell her…

20 TIPS FOR MARRIAGE

{in no particular order}

{Obviously marriage is not a one-size-fits-all. Every experience is different 

as we each vary in personalities, life experiences, and beliefs,

but these are just a few things we’ve learned along the way …}

1. Have a good sense of humor. In every area of life. Whether it’s learning how to live together, or how to navigate the bedroom — a good sense of humor will make all the difference.

2. A great marriage is made up of two good forgivers. {because it’s also made up of two terribly flawed human beings.}

3. Talk about your dreams together, and talk about them often. So many people stumble through the motions day-after-day, but life is too short NOT to live it. So make dreams, set goals, and work towards them together.

4. Encourage his dreams. You are his biggest cheerleader, and whether he knows it or not, he will need your support backing him more than anything.

5. Never stop dating each other. People change over the years, and making time to fall in love all over again, is vital.

6. Don’t give up. Even on the hard days. When the flames of love are low and everything in you wants to pull away from him… don’t. Pull into him. Hold onto his hand, not onto your anger and frustration.

7. The sooner you ditch the notion that everything needs to be fair, the happier you’ll be. Life isn't fair and neither is marriage. Although the wish for everything to be 50/50 sounds nice, it doesn’t work that way. Learn to let go of the little things, and talk about the big things, but most importantly, love each other enough to fill in the gaps.

8. Be generous. Be a wife full of grace. The happiest couples pay more attention to what they put in, and less attention to what they are getting back. In the end, the giving and the getting become one and the same.

9. Ask yourself how much fun you are to live with? Be honest. Either you contribute to the relationship or you contaminate it.

10. Take care of yourself….physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. It’s not selfish, it’s crucial. When you are feeling your best—balanced inside and out—you are much more capable of giving your best to those around you.

11. Experiencing some of lives deepest pain together {as hard as it is} will make you a stronger couple. I wouldn’t trade the most painful times in our marriage for anything in the world, because those are the moments when our marriage grew the deepest.

12. Be grateful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

13. Kiss him in front of your children. Let them see your love and tenderness for each other. They will learn how to love others from the experiences they had while growing up.

14. Smile at your husband. Your children need to know you don’t just love him, but also genuinely like him.

15. It’s okay to fight and disagree. But do it respectfully. We all have opinions and beliefs that matter to us. I even think it’s important that our children see us disagree {about certain topics} so they know that it’s okay for two people to fight, but also show that it doesn’t change our love for each other.

16. Make peace with your differences. He will undoubtedly like things you don’t and vice-versa, but that’s okay. It’s our differences that push us out of our comfort zone and help us to become more flexible, tolerant, and well rounded people.

17. Find your worth and security in God. Don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs. That’s an unfair/unrealistic expectation to put on him.

18. Speak well of your husband in front of others. He deserves your respect, even if you are angry with him — that is between the two of you and no one else. {And if you truly are having problems, seek professional help together — don’t go gossiping about him and all of his issues to your girlfriends.}

19. True romance is NOT found in novels or fairytales…the deepest kind is found in doing the dishes together when you’re both exhausted. It’s finding each other’s feet under the covers late at night, even when you’re in a fight. It’s having someone by your side who loves you enough to hold your hair back while you throw up. And, it’s growing old with someone who has seen you in your darkest moments, but chooses to love you still.

20. Marriage is a huge commitment and an even greater sacrifice. But it’s also the best and most wildly-rewarding adventure you will ever embark on with your best friend!

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Those are some much needed tips,

I know as a future newly-wed I'll be glad to have these to go back & read.

Thanks Lisa

How long should we wait?

Lately I've been a follower and huge fan of this blog Scissortail SILK She is so inspiring, and her stories are so real that I experience every emotion while reading a post. She's a great writer I recently read a post, about being a wife before a mommy, here's the link if you want to read it. To Wives: Before You Were Mommy  You really have to read that, before you understand this post....   You guys might not care what I experienced while reading this, but maybe someone else is wondering the same thing I am. Maybe there are other women, who are getting married or who are newly weds and just want to know the answer to the question.... When should we become parents? John & I love kids, John is a dad to a beautiful five year old girl (she'll be 6 this month), and he's an amazing father. He might not get a lot of time with her, but the time that he does, he's amazing, unselfish and so caring for his little girl. It was one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with him. I love seeing him with kids, and he is one of the few that have noticed my "glow" that I have when I'm around children and I know that one day, we'll be rockstar parents. But when? Is there a timeline? Do we make sure we have X amount saved in the bank, do we make sure we've traveled to the top 10 places on our list, do I get off birth control and just let God take over, should we own a house instead of rent? A lot of us can plan this, and a lot of us can't....I have friends who planned it, and friends who didn't. Lets be honest, I worry way too much about everything After I read her post, I cried. Sitting at my desk, at work, tears in my eyes and if I blinked they would have streamed down my face. Was it because I'm scared? No. It was because
I just realized what our life will be like with kids. It wasn't a sad thought, it was just a realization that things will change drastically and I've never been really good with change.   I can't wait to be a Mommy, and nothing will ever change that I'll be twenty-six next month, all my friends have kids, and by the time I have kids their kids will be old enough to babysit mine! It's not a contest, I know. Everyone has their own time, and God usually has a plan before you try to make your own. I've learned that for sure. I moved in with John in September, and until Friday we had a roommate. It's only been a few days but I absolutely love coming home now, and it's just US. It's the best feeling ever, and I didn't think it'd be much different, but it is. I love it, and I can't imagine a night that I didn't get to spend time with John, unless he was working somewhere else obviously. I can't imagine saying "Glad you're home babe" but it not meaning it the way it does now. I can't imagine not meeting him at the door with a kiss when he gets home because I'm too busy with the kids, or having dinner ready for him because I haven' t had time to even think. I'm worried that I will crave more of my own alone time, than time with my husband. I'm worried that I'll be too busy trying to be a Mother, that I'll fail as a wife.  THAT scares me.  Right now we're still in our honeymoon stage, we'd rather spend time together than do anything else with our friends. I have to make myself go spend time with my girlfriends because I know it's not healthy to spend so much time together. I don't want anyone to think that I wouldn't be ready if I got pregnant right now, I would have that child and we would make it work, so please don't get confused with what this post is about. I won't be selfish and spend the next ten years married without kids because I'd rather have time with John before we become parents. I'm not saying any of that, and I know John wouldn't let us wait ten years ha ha.  I just really thought we'd have kids sooner than later, and now I'm wondering if we should just push the brakes and enjoy US. Can I even do that? I know that one night, a few years from now, when I put our first child to bed, I'll be looking at this post and thinking "I wouldn't have had it any other way" and that child will be the best thing that has ever happened to us.  I also know I couldn't have picked a better man to be my husband, and the father to our future children. For now, he's all mine and I'm all his, and I enjoy that

You're doing it wrong

If you're in a serious relationship, an engagement, or a marriage you've heard/said this phrase once or twice. "You're doing it wrong" I try not to say this, but I think it more often than I should when John is doing something. In fact, living together is HARD remember this post awhile back? You'll have things you want done a certain way and guess what? Too bad, they won't get done how you want it. They won't say the things you want them to say and they won't do, what you want them to do. They are a human, not your puppet. If you want a puppet, don't get married, just be single the rest of your life because no one will ever do everything perfect, or your way. Unless you can find someone to clone you.  Harsh? Maybe, but it's the truth.   There's something I've realized through all of this though, not only do you have to pick your battles but you have to realize that something is getting done, whether it's the "perfect" way or not. Something is getting done, that you don't have to do later. Maybe you didn't even have to ask! That's a bigger bonus! John helps so much with the dishes at home, and he helps when I need to paint, or put up decor or anything really, but I've chose to just not watch him when he does it. Because, he does not need my criticism and & I do not need to criticize. He's helping me, and I'm so grateful.   So next time your man helps you do the dishes, don't worry about how he loaded the dishwasher If he makes dinner, but does it different than you wanted, appreciate it When he does the laundry and shrinks one of your favorite shirts, smile and give him a hug and say thank you....LAUGH about it! When you come home to decor hung in all the wrong places, take a deep breath, give him a kiss, say thank you....and if you're me, fix it later. If you do get frustrated, laugh at yourself, and laugh together because whatever your fighting over, is a pretty silly thing if it has anything to do with doing something the wrong way. Taking these things too seriously is just going to make you frustrated and you'll put more energy into that than you would taking a deep breath and letting it go. Plus who wants to live with someone who is reminded that they never do anything right?   My friend had a blog post the other day called Marriage is what you make it Wow, isn't that the truth! I'm not even married yet & I can already understand that "Marriage is hard" I've heard that too many times to count, but I know that it's how you react to situations, how you communicate, and how you express your feelings. It can be hard, it can be fun, it probably won't be easy but nothing easy is worth it. You can wake up every day and make a choice how your day is going to go, why not wake up every day and decide the kind of wife you're going to be. I know that there are days I don't give John 100%, but the next day I make up for it and give 110%, and he does too.   A lot of times we might have one of those days when we feel like no matter what happens, it's going to piss us off. These days, I try really hard, to take a deep breath and realize how lucky I am. If I see all the dishes in the wrong spot when I go to cook dinner, I take a deep breath and smile. It makes me realize that not only am I going to go through this with John, but when I teach our kids how to put their clothes away, or help with chores around the house, they aren't going to do it perfect. BUT they're going to do it, and it gets done. I just need to relax and let things get done, no matter how perfect it is. Life isn't perfect Our house isn't perfect Our relationship isn't perfect but the days we aren't perfect, are the days we're growing and learning together ....and I think that's what it's all about.  

My idea of perfect

At twenty-six years old, I will be getting married In Utah, that's OLD, and everywhere else, it's YOUNG. For me in my life, it's perfect. First of all, you should know I didn't wait patiently. In fact, as you read in this post, I tried rushing things in my life so many times. Living in Utah, I felt like I was "behind" everyone else, that there was no one out there for me, and that all the good men were taken. My first boyfriend, my high-school "sweetheart" was a lesson, that relationship taught me more than I wanted to know, but also gave me the ability to appreciate everything after. The difference between who I am now, and who I was at 20 years old is night & day! The biggest reason I waited, was because I had to learn to love & respect myself the way I wanted to be loved and respected. "Every woman has the exact love life she wants." I heard this quote once, back in one of my relationships and I said "No i'm not, I didn't plan this, I didn't ask for this..." Why was I in it? I was settling So many times in a womans life, we feel as though we need to have a boyfriend, we need to be with someone that will love us, or at least say it. We have to be moving towards the direction of "getting married" and we just can't be alone, heaven forbid we be single and spend more time on ourselves than someone else. Blah I will admit, I wouldn't be writing all of this if I wasn't in a relationship and about to marry my true love that I feel I spent forever trying to find. If I was still single, I'd probably be bitter and cynical towards all relationships. BUT because I now see what I did wrong, I'm sharing what I know. Why was I single? Why couldn't I find the one when all my friends were marrying theirs?   Here's a few reasons I've come up with;

1. I was blind to everyone that wasn't the "Perfect Guy"-- If he was too short, had a bald spot, wore ugly shoes, had weird hair...etc. The list goes on. I was looking for the perfect guy. Guess what? There isn't a perfect guy, you won't find one. Is John perfect? No. But he's perfect for me, and thats all that matters.

2. I dated men who were unavailable-- I dated guys who just were not wanting a relationship, they didn't care to be in one, and I thought I'd be different. I thought I'd be a game changer. The longer you are with a man that doesn't want a relationship, the more you will get down on yourself and wonder why they don't want to be with you. It's not you, they already told you they didn't want a relationship. LISTEN TO THEM and don't waste your time.

3. I was experiencing "relationship insanity"-- The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result. I was dating the wrong guys, I wasn't respecting myself, and I didn't change anything and expected to find the one. I just blamed the men for it, I thought "it's not me." My friends would always wonder why I was dating a certain person, or why I kept letting someone treat me the way I did.

4. I wasn't letting my actions, reflect what I deserved- I knew what I deserved, I knew what I had been through, and I knew what I wanted. Did I reflect that through my actions? Definetely not. The way I reflected myself was disrespectful, and made it look like I didn't love myself.

I could go on...and on, but I'll stop and tell you what I was actually waiting for. I waited for a man that I could grow old with, who would love me for me, and only bring out the best. A man who would forgive easily, love passionately, and never give up on us. A relationship where I was respected and loved, cared for, and put first. I was treated the way I deserved to be treated, and I was able to give him the best parts of me. A man who didn't care about where I had been and what I have done, but what we were going to accomplish together. A man who respected and loved his Mother, and his family. Who believed in God, and loved children. Who could make me laugh when I was about to cry, and who I could truly believe at the end of the day, was the one for me. That's John.   Through all the heartache, the never-ending maze of dating, and the feelings of not being good enough I found someone better than the "perfect guy." It was NOT in my plans to move back to Vernal, and I didn't know why I was back.  No matter what religion I was a part of growing up, I always prayed and asked God to help me find the one, I always prayed for him, wherever he was. For awhile, I didn't think God was listening...  I found this quote on Pinterest after John & I started dating and I realized it wasn't my timing, it was someone elses, and it always will be.

 

Time flies

I can't believe, exactly FOUR MONTHS from today I get to marry this man!  

  I'm so in love with him, head over heels, and I can't believe this part of my life is finally here! I had to blog about it so that when it's closer to the wedding and I've turned into BRIDEZILLA (hopefully not), and lucky he hasn't left me- I can read this and remember what it's about ha ha ;) Plus, this is one of my favorite pictures, taken after I was gone for a month while I was traveling the world and missing him every second!! Love you boo! Can't wait to marry you! (I'm a poet..didn't even know it)  

Just 5 minutes

When you move in with a guy, it changes a lot

When you move in with a guy you're engaged to, it changes everything.

Now, before you think I'm being negative, let me explain

John & I are very different when it comes to keeping up the house

I'm a little more OCD in certain areas

and kind of a control freak about where everything goes.
At the beginning, I would let myself get upset about all of it,
and if he wasn't home, I'd be ready to unload when he walked in the door.

BUT awhile ago, I got some of the best advice, ready for it?

"There are 3 parts of the day that are the most important in your relationship; when you wake up, when you see each other again after work, and when you go to bed.

The first five minutes of each part, are the most crucial, and can determine how the rest of your day goes"

"Just five minutes of something positive. Whether it's kissing, cuddling, laughing, holding hands.." 

I tried this and it changed a lot. It's definitely something you have to make a habit!

Think about all the stuff that goes on in our day, the things we're upset about, and maybe things that we need to "nag" our fiance about when they get home. We wait all day, and when they walk in the door we just unload. everything.

I dunno about you, but I wouldn't want to come home to someone who was nagging me, 

or reminding me of everything I did wrong.
We are human, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect. Yet, we all have the ability to become better. Living with someone is not always going to be rainbows and butterflies. In fact, it never is. Everyone is so different, and once you've lived on your own for 7+ years, you have your own way of doing things. When you live with someone, they don't do stuff the way you do it, and you have to adapt to that and find their strengths instead of looking at their weaknesses.
When people say "the first year of your marriage is the hardest" I truly believe it's just getting used to living with each other. John & I have lived together for 8 months, and it gets better every single day.

Do what I did, take that advice and try it out, even just for a week, you'll see a positive difference.
It helps make you calm for all the things you want to communicate, that way you're communicating, not nagging. I'm not a relationship pro, that's for sure, I mean I'm not even married yet- but I will share my advice that I was given, if it helped me, maybe it can help you!

We can always be better right?