A letter to me, before I started dating you

Last night I was looking through an old box, doing some organizing and I found a notebook.

This notebook was my journal, and I started writing in it when I moved back to my parents in 2013.

The time I felt I had hit rock bottom....

Remember that story? If not, it's right here.

Anyway, I started reading through it and I wrote from January-April 2013

I started dating John in July.
I was going through a lot at the time, but most of all I was giving up on finding the right guy & I thought for sure he wasn't in this town. I was depressed and experiencing a lot of doubt within myself. Everyone gets to that point in their life where they feel like they are doing nothing and those negative thoughts will suck you into a deep black hole and before you know it, you're feeling sorry for yourself. You have no idea what the future holds, just believe!

If I could write a letter to myself before I started dating my husband knowing what i know now

This would be it.....

Read that letter  & the rest of this post over at Life of Women <---click me for Life Lesson Tuesdays

Sincerely, your parents

Being a step-mom has really made me think of what kind of Mother I want to be What kind of parents John & I will be How will we raise our children? What rules will we have? But most of all, what will our kids be like? Will they rebel and make life hard? Will they listen to us? Then I started to think of the child I was, the parents I have, and how I grew up. There are things I imagine my parents wish I knew All the things you probably wish your kids knew The stuff I wish my nieces, and cousins knew That's where this letter came from

Dear future children- There is a very important relationship in your life, in fact it's the most important one you'll have It's not your dog, or your cat It's not your siblings It's not your boss, or your best friend It's not your first boyfriend, or your current boyfriend It's us, your parents When I was a teenager I didn't want anything to do with my parents   I hated rules I hated discipline I wanted privileges for free They were WAY too strict (I thought) I wanted to run away I couldn't wait to turn 18 I couldn't wait to not have a curfew They're embarrassing They always treat me like a kid They didn't know what they were talking about They didn't understand
These are all the thoughts that ran through my head as a teenager When I think back on this, I realized that the hardest part of my teenage life,  really only lasted 4 years. Those 4 years could have been easy, but I was the one who made them as hard as I did I made a choice to date the wrong guy, I made a choice to pick the wrong friends, to give up my morals and values that my parents taught me, and to rebel against them. I lied I talked back I had the worst attitude I lost their trust
I went from Daddy's little girl & Mommy's angel to SATAN's child real quick Seriously. I'm sure they thought I changed over night. I want to say something to my parents, after all those years I put them through hell. One day, you'll want to say the same thing to us ----I'm sorry----
You knew what I was going through, you knew what it was like to want to party and go out with friends. You knew how I felt when everyone had privileges and I didn't and all you were doing was trying to keep me safe. I'm sorry I kept you up late at nights worrying if I was okay, or if I was hanging out with the right people, maybe you worried if I was getting into drugs/alcohol or having sex at a young age. Whatever it was, you shouldn't have had to worry about me & I'm sorry I created that stress in your life. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry I let someone treat me like crap for so long and got mad at you when you didn't want me to be with them. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize you knew me, more than I knew myself.   Future children, I know you think you have it hard, and that growing up is the worst I know you can't wait to turn 18 and move out and make your own rules Let me tell you something We don't hate you, we love you, and those rules- they aren't bars put in front of you to break, they aren't handcuffs to keep you locked up and sheltered. Those rules are made because we KNOW what it's like to be your age and we know what happens. Just like my parents knew this about me, we will know this about you, child. We will know that you hate your curfew, that you'll want to party, that you'll want to date, that you'll hate our rules. We know this. Please, don't make it hard, just follow the rules, they're only their to keep you safe.  Just listen to us, we know, and we understand more than you think We've been there too   You can choose to make it hard, or you can make the years up until you turn 18, easy Follow our rules If you don't, and you want to rebel, and you ruin the relationship you have with us I have one thing to say to you  ---Good luck---
You are ruining a relationship that is so crucial to you right now, and in the future. You don't even get it You can't even begin to understand this Think about it, what if you came home today and we said "no more curfew, here's a phone, do whatever you want, and here's some money" Where would you end up? Do you think it would be good? Do you really think you are old enough to understand the responsibilities of an adult? Nope, you're not.   Don't lie to your parents, we find out everything Thank us Be honest with us Love us Say Thank You Appreciate us We brought you into this world, and we know the struggles you'll go through but we know with our teachings and our rules, that you'll make it through alive. Just listen to us When you move out and become an adult, you'll realize how much you took advantage of your parents, because I did. If you ruin your relationship with us, you might never be able to fix it So it's up to you, these years of being a teenager can be hell, or you can follow the rules and get through it. I was lucky enough to be able to repair the relationship I messed up with my parents It hasn't been easy, I wish I would've just known all of this when I was a teenager. I wish they knew how sorry I truly am, and how much I appreciate everything they did I can't imagine not having my parents when I became an adult, when I didn't realize that I couldn't pay all these bills & I needed help, or when I lost my job and literally had nothing left. I'm telling you now,  you think you know everything and you have no idea... Trust us