Taking on a new role

When I started dating John, I knew he had a little girl. In fact our first three dates was while she was visiting him, and I fell in love with her before I did him. She loved me too, and then when she started to realize how often we were together she kinda got scared and I started to feel her getting jealous. It broke my heart because that was no where near my intention, I didn't want her to think I was taking her Dad away because I wasn't. I tried to explain to her several times that she just had more people in her life that loved her, but realized it was best for her just to talk to her Dad and spend time with him when she could. She came out to visit us in June last year, two months before we got married. That's when it really hit me, this new role, not just John's wife but the step-mom of his daughter. I wrote about it a long time ago and it's been in my drafts but with Mother's day coming up, and her coming out next month, I figured I'd share. I don't know how many of you are step-moms, but it really is the hardest thing I've ever done, there's this line you can't cross with the time you spend with her Dad, you don't want to step on the Mom's toes and you never want to make that child feel like she isn't the most important person in the world. Yet, we are all human, we are selfish in some-way but as much as I hate it, there are times that I just come second to John, but i'm not second to his job, or his friends, or a hobbie he loves, i'm second to his own flesh & blood. It's taken me a while to realize this, and I don't think I'll actually know how it really feels until I become a parent, all I know is that my husband is an amazing father, he doesn't get to see her as much as he would like to. If being second means that his daughter will grow up knowing how much she is loved, then it's worth it right? So here we go, this is what I wrote when she visited last time, it's just an idea of what my life was like the first time I took the role of a step-mom. It was a roller-coaster of highs & lows, and a hard part of John & I's relationship, but we got through it just like we get through everything else.  Also, for her protection, names have been changed, so we'll call her Ana.

The Kirk life - photo overload

I haven't really had time to do any posting lately

So here's an update in photos.

This is our life lately

Enjoy <3

WEDDING TIME!

(not ours yet obviously)

We TRIED to go fishing

(it was waaaay too cold & windy)

BOO... (she always pulls the opposite face I say to pull ha ha)

Softball Games

Day at the lake

Crab Boils

Picnics on the patio

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Then there was the time Daddy pulled out her loose tooth

And then she played dress up with Daddy's work hat & sunglasses

And that time we woke up to find her sleeping in the dog's bed....

she must have snuck in and kicked him out ;) HAHA

And that time she finally let us take a group picture together with her smiling

Oh, and I saved the best for last

When she writes sweet little messages for me & Daddy that make our heart melt

and it makes up for all the hard times...

Being a step-mom has some really challenging moments, and this hasn't been easy

It's been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life

But I'm proud to say that I have an amazing man by my side through it all, and it has definitely made us pray harder and more often which I know is why we'll make it through.

I'm just glad we got some good pictures in the process! 

We'll cherish these moments forever & I'll always remember the first time I realized I was a step-mom.

They are home!....Finally

Something you should know about me, I hate when plans change...or in this case, planes. Why does that have anything to do with this post? WELL John & his daughter were flying home Sunday, they were supposed to be making it home by 11pm John called me after they had been flying from Phoenix and said "well, we landed, in Phoenix" WHAT THE? I thought he was tricking me for a minute, or that maybe I lost track of all his flights... He fell asleep, but apparently after they had left Phoenix, and was MINUTES away from the destination they decided to turn around and go back to Phoenix. Are you kidding me? Wouldn't you just go to your closest destination if you were having trouble instead of flying all the way back. I mean really? Why? I was so frustrated, and so was he. Anyway, they ended up getting home at 2 AM on Monday, and poor John had to work at 5 AM.   The next morning I woke her up and took her to her Grandma's for the day Surprisingly, she was really comfortable with me, I was so glad When I picked her up that day she greeted me with open arms & a big hug She had made me all these cute drawings and notes I might of teared up a little while reading them So sweet! After her dad got home we went to the park She hates pictures & it was hard to get a good one here's one of the many failed attempts (she wanted to hold Chance) but I finally got her to smile for this one Isn't she beautiful?        That night I realized how different our life was with a kid We didn't come home & sit on the couch and cuddle, we played dolls & had bath time We didn't cook one dinner, we cooked two John & I didn't fall asleep together, I laid next to her until she fell asleep which wasn't until about midnight, so I also realized that our time is now her time.   The amount of time we sleep What we eat Where we go What movie we watch When I get to give my fiance a kiss after a long day It's all up to her   and honestly...I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure it will get more challenging, yet more rewarding The night ended with her saying "Jessica, I hope you'll be my step-mom forever" I should have recorded that for the days she might hate me... haha I love John, but both of them together are the best thing that's ever happened to me.   I'm so blessed to be a part of their lives. We only get to see her so often, but I will cherish these moments we spend together as a family I love being her step-mom

Catching Up

  Our life has been pretty crazy since the last time I blogged, so let's catch up! On Friday, John flew to North Carolina to pick up his little girl, I went camping up on our Uncles ranch with my parents, niece & nephew. My dad got a "side-by-side ATV" I forgot to take a picture of it, so I found this one on the internet just to give you an idea of what the heck I'm talking about.  

It's awesome

We spent a couple hours cruising around on this, Dad even let me drive it! Shocker

My niece Riley & I on our way up to the Ranch

On Saturday it was my friends Wedding Day!!

She was beautiful, and so was the wedding.

Lawn Games

Cake Pops

Taco Bar - seriously AMAZING

Beautiful Bride

Great music

I've known Jasmine (the bride) for awhile, her sister Whitney is my best friend (top middle pic) I am so happy for her & Alex, they've been together since they were 14 years old!!

I'm so glad I was able to be there to celebrate with them!

Best Wishes Mr & Mrs Shields!

On Fathers Day we had a big lunch at my parent's house

BBQ Ribs

Corn on the cob

Baked beans (Dad's famous recipe)

Shrimp pasta salad

all the fix-ins for a great meal

YUM!

Every year I have the hardest time choosing a card for my dad, I either want to make him laugh, or make him realize how much I really love him. I usually go with the mushy ones but I actually bought him TWO cards this year because I couldn't help it, the card was too funny not to get.

I should have taken a picture, but.... I didn't, so i'll just explain it.

The front said

"Dad, you're like a Father to me"

the inside said

"No but really, I mean that"

All I could think about was the guy from the Hangover, so I had to get it.

My dad & I have a weird sense of humor, so we thought it was hilarious.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing in my parents backyard enjoying this fresh beverage

Let's hope that hour in the sun gave me a little color

I've decided against tanning beds (I spend my money on a lot of stuff, but spending money on skin cancer is not on my list).... and I haven't found a fake tan that I am brave enough to try...

If you're reading this, and you have a favorite "fake tan" lotion that doesn't make you orange and you can use it all over including your face- comment & let me know what it is cuz this girl is WHITE.

I need some color before my wedding (53 days!), or I'll blend in with my wedding dress.

Gross

So that was our crazy weekend

John &his daughter got home Monday at 2am....that story is coming soon :)

Let's just say, I love being a "step-mom"

Stay tuned!

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