Let me start out this blog post by posting a familiar quote by Mr. J.K. Rowling
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life"
Rock bottom is different for everyone especially if drugs and/or alcohol is involved in your life.
For me, I have felt like I hit rock bottom a few times, but I have found that once you have hit rock bottom, you'll know it. You might hit it once, you might hit it a few times but it just means you can start over. Think of it as a fresh clean slate that God is giving you.
I hit rock bottom in December of 2012
I started "dating" this guy in October, and it's not worth the long story so I'm going to keep it short
I was going to move to his hometown, I quit my job, he came out to meet my parents around Christmas. Anyway, shit went down, I changed his flight & sent him home early and sat in my room, boxes packed, in tears. Whatever plan I had...wasn't going to work anymore.
I had no where to go, I didn't have a job, and I had money to last me the rest of the month.
On top of it all, my heart had been broken again.
I didn't want to, but I called my Mom in tears. She already knew what was going on from when it all went down, I tell her everything. Then she said these words....
"Honey, you are always welcome home, even if it's just to get you back on your feet you're always welcome here"
Thanks Mom....but
That small town was the last place I wanted to be, the last place that ever felt like "home"...
but I didn't have a choice
The UHAUL was coming tomorrow, and the new girl was moving in the next day.
So two days before Christmas I drove with a car full, following the Uhaul of the rest of my stuff and I was headed back "home." I don't really remember much of that drive, besides the fact that I never stopped crying.
I cried myself to sleep that night, and the rest of the week. I barely ate, I got rid of my Facebook because I didn't want anyone to know I was back in town, and I tried my hardest to be a hermit.
I still had no job...
I felt worthless, I felt like I had failed and worst part was, I didn't have a plan.
I was being so negative!
I want everyone to know that rock bottom is not a negative thing, you might feel like you've lost everything, and you can't get anything back...but try and be positive, turn to your family & friends but most of all...turn to god.
I knew I needed God, I needed him way before this but I was finally ready to admit it
So I started reading my bible, I started listening to Christian speakers, and I started listening to Christian Radio. I grew up LDS/Mormon, and for my own personal reasons I had to search outside of that religion. I wanted to.
I believed in Christ, and I needed his guidance, right now there wasn't a right/wrong religion or church.
The first day I started listening to the Christian radio they had a 30 day challenge, for a New Years Resolution. "Listen to this station for thirty days, and notice how much more positive you are, how much more you enjoy life, and how much happier you become."
It was like a message to me through the radio, and I did it.
30 days of Christian radio
I started to be more proactive looking for a job, I spent all my downtime with my family, I visited my Grandmother more, I hung out with friends from high-school & met new friends and slowly...I was rebuilding my life.
I didn't have to have 100 friends to get me through it, I didn't have to be busy 100% of the time, I needed my alone time and I needed to find my passion in life, I needed to smile even when I didn't want to, and I needed to dig deep into my soul and find kidness to pour out to others even on my worst days.
I focused on everyone else's happiness around me, and I soon became happier.
I let go of all the bad people in my life, anyone who was causing drama, anxiety, bad feelings..etc
I let it go, I cut the cord, I removed it from my life.
Rock bottom was not a negative part in my life, it was what I made it out to be. At first it was the worst thing I ever went through & all I saw was the negative parts of it. I didn't realize I was becoming a new me, a happier me, and through it all- I wasn't just growing closer to my family, or my friends, but I was finally growing closer to God.
Rock bottom got me where I am now.
I wasn't where I wanted to be, but I know now, I'm where I need to be
